The name on the title is only the start

When a relationship ends, the house usually goes into a shared pool with everything else either of you owns: savings, cars, retirement funds, shares and debts. Whose name is on the title matters less than most people expect, and so does who paid the deposit.

That surprises a lot of people. A deposit paid from an inheritance, a house one of you owned before the relationship, or years of one person paying the mortgage can all count in the split. None of them decides it on its own.

How the pool is divided

The split looks back at what each of you contributed, in money and in other ways, such as raising children, running the home or supporting the other person’s career. Then it looks forward: who will care for the children, what each of you can earn, your health and ages, and what each of you will need to start again.

Two couples with the same house can end up with very different results. A short relationship with no children is often divided close to what each person put in. A long one with children often moves further towards the person who will earn less, or who will care for the children most of the time.

Keeping it, selling it or buying out

There are three usual outcomes. One of you keeps the house and buys the other out. The house is sold and the money divided. Or the sale waits until a set date, often when the youngest child finishes school, and one of you lives there until then.

Each has costs. A buy-out usually means refinancing in one name, and the bank will want to see that you can carry the loan alone. A sale brings agent’s fees, moving costs and sometimes tax. A delayed sale keeps you tied to each other for years, so it needs clear rules about who pays the mortgage, the rates and the repairs in the meantime.

These choices are easier to make, and much easier to stick to, when they’re written down and agreed before anyone moves.

If the mortgage is in one name

The house can still be shared property even if only one of you signed the loan. The bank, though, only deals with the borrower. If that person stops paying, you both lose value, so agree in writing who pays what while the split is worked out.

If you’re not on the title and you’re worried the house could be sold or borrowed against, tell us early. There are steps that can stop a sale while things are settled.

What to do this week

Don’t move out, sell or refinance before you’ve had advice, because each can change your position. Keep paying the mortgage if you can, and keep receipts if you pay more than your share.

Gather the latest statements for the mortgage, bank accounts and retirement funds, and a recent estimate of what the house is worth. Note what each of you paid towards the deposit and any renovations.

Then book a first meeting. Within a week you’ll have a letter that sets out your options for the house, the children and the money, so you can decide with the numbers in front of you.

This note is general information, not legal advice for your situation.